


Delusions of Grandeur

by lucifersbff



Series: Vicbourne AU's [4]
Category: Victoria (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Delusions, Doctor Lehzen, Doctor William Melbourne, F/M, Mental Illness, Patient Victoria
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 19:20:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9199145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucifersbff/pseuds/lucifersbff
Summary: Doctor William Melbourne is head therapist of Buckingham Hospital, he has a normally cynical life as lead therapist until he gets a transfer patient from Kensington. The new patient is certainly a tricky one but he warms up to her. Gaining her trust and support but can he actually help her.





	1. Doctor William Melbourne

His head pounded as he rubbed his temple. Three patients down and he was close to finishing. He wanted to go home, back to his empty house, back to his unfinished bottle of bourbon and his paperwork. There was no comfort for him other than his privacy and even that had been invaded over the past few years. Two scandals and a failed marriage.

An exasperated sigh left his lips; his gaze flicking over the dark crevices. He hadn’t heard anything outside, no nurse or orderly had beckoned for him. Perhaps he could leave now, perhaps he could slip away to his car and get home early.

He found himself imagining a different job, what would have happened if he had gone down the route of Politics. He imagined himself being prime minister by now, alas he had chosen psychiatry. He had chosen to be a therapist to the dearly deluded and the blissfully content patients.

There was nothing wrong with having a mental illness, he knew that. He would constant chastised the new worker for being ill-mannered when referring to the patients. One, he had even fired for calling a patient psycho cow.

He wasn’t the owner of this establishment, no the owners would find themselves caught dead in the building. He was the head doctor, the head therapist. The big boss, not that he liked it. He was far too old, he thought, to still be helping people. No-one wants to listen to a has-been.

A knock at the door disrupted his thoughts as he straightened his back in his chair. His suit jacket fitted perfectly around his torso, he leaned back before ordering them to come in. As the door opened he immediately wished he’d played dead, hidden behind his desk and turned out the light.

“William, did you read the new transfer patient’s file?” Emma asked as she strolled across the room. He kept his eyes on her, his face unfazed by the question. He hadn’t read the file, he hadn’t even noticed it. “William, I told you about her this morning”

He looked at the small box that contained the unread files, the top from a separate facility. Kensington state institute. Ran for prisoners not patients. Inmates with no hope and little freedom. The two owners would sit in their expensive offices and drink wine whilst everyone else ran the place.

“I’ve read it” he lied, a common thing he did. He was a master in the art of lying. He’d lied most his life, he’d lied to his mother that he was happier than ever with Caroline. He lied about his happiness all the time. He had barely anything to live for, his wife had left him, and his son had died. He had no heirs, no family left.

“Please William, if you want to lie to someone, lie to the staff” She quipped as she picked up the blue folder. She placed it in front of him and he looked over it. His green eyes reading the names plastered over the cover. “Dr Lehzen had her moved especially to this facility. She had also moved to this facility. It appears Conroy wanted her gone.”

“Dr Lehzen?” he inquired his mind turned back as he tried to picture a face for the name. He’d heard of it before, somewhere but he couldn’t remember. It was his old age, he supposed, that was affect his memory.

“German born, brilliant doctor. Average height, good build. Could take down Conroy with her little finger” Emma responded picturing Lehzen. He gave into the chuckle that emitted from his throat.

“Victoria. Her notes just state delusions of grandeur” He remarked as he flicked the front page open. He looked towards Emma who was heading back to the door.

“She’ll get along with you then” Emma stated as she opened the door and headed out. He frowned.

“I don’t have delusions” he called back. His voice dying down as he realised she’d probably left already. She had a habit of turning up randomly and disappearing with just as much randomness.

He glanced back down at the folder before him. This would stop him from leaving, from heading back to the cold home.

“Victoria” he sounded out again. He skimmed over the words. “Believes she’s the queen, also believes it’s the Victorian era.”

He was not well versed in the Victorian era. He knew the bare essentials of the period, the fashion, the etiquette, and the politics at the time. Ever since his childhood he’d been primed for politics by his father. He was the second son, his mother favourite son.

“Preferred treatment from doctor; re-enactment therapy. Immersion into the time period to help combat the source. Source for illness: unknown” He read out loud. He caught himself clenching his jaw. How could some use immersion to combat an unknown source? Maybe Dr Lehzen had allowed herself to get too distracted by the patient. Too focused on the immersion and not the reason.

\--

The sharp noise of shoes on concrete filled the silent air. It was morning by the time he had managed to finish his research. He had spent all night thinking about the therapy, he had forgotten to visit the patient.

Alas she was in her room. On the orders of Dr Lehzen it had been decorated for the patient. He hadn’t interfered with the order, he hadn’t decided to block it like he could have. His suit clung to his strong build as he turned the corner.

Emma stood by his office door, her eyes brimming with joy as she walked to meet him. He could tell that she had obviously had a good night. She only ever waited for him to enter work when she was excited.

“So” she began. “Did you read the file? Did you meet Victoria?”

He furrowed his brow and sighed. He could still smell the alcohol that clung to the fibres of his suit jacket. The coffee heavy on his breath as he unlocked his office door. He placed his suitcase on the desk and unbuttoned his jacket turning on the spot.

“I’ve read the file, no I have not met the patient. Do I dare to ask why you’re particularly happy this morning?” he countered as she rested herself in one of his chairs. He hadn’t asked her to sit and yet she had. She seemed too comfortable in his office.

“Wake on the wrong side of the bed?” She inquired only for him to glare at her, “Yes actually. I met Victoria. She calls me Lady Portman and thinks I’m a lovely woman. My god you have a brilliant patient. I’d love to be her therapist”

He held out the file, his own way of saying that she should have it. That he would be fine dealing with his usual patients and needed no more. She hesitated before pushing the file away.

“Love to but I can’t. I’m backed up on sessions.” She replied her eyes looking over at the clock. “Which reminds me, I have a session in five minutes. Bye William.”

He grumbled under his breath as she left. The file now hung on loosely in his grip, his eyes closed as he thought about his jobs today. He wouldn’t get home until late, too late to visit the rooks like he normally did on a Friday.

\--

“Dr Melbourne” a thick German voice called out to him as he headed down the corridor. She was stood outside the room door, her hands in front of her. She was dressed like she’d just walked off a period drama and he inwardly cringed.

“I take it you’re Dr Lehzen, I read your reports on the patient. Is there anything that wasn’t on the notes I should know about?” He questioned her.

“Yes, she thinks you are the prime minister and this is Buckingham palace.” Lehzen answered. He rolled his eyes. The prime minister, he thought, a role he wished he could have taken up.

“Very well, Dr Portman has your patient files. If you would be so kind” he informed her motioning for her to move away from the door.

“I thought I would-“ she paused noticing his grumpy exterior.

“Thought you would stay as her therapist. Lehzen you haven’t found out the source of her problem. She will be a shared patient with me, you and Dr Portman. When you are not tending to Victoria you will tend to your sessions with selected other patients. Any complaints you may have may be written down and filed away. If you do not like how I run this institute then you can go back to Kensington.” He growled, it was harsh of him to do so. He was stressed; but that was no excuse for barking at a new doctor who wasn’t to know the order of the place. He opened his mouth to apologise, but Lehzen scuttled off down the corridor.

It was his turn to face the patient. Emma had visited her and come out smiling, Lehzen was clearly attached to her and neither of them had a clue of the problem. He shifted on the spot his hand outstretched, mere centimetres away from the handle.

A strange feeling filled his chest, he was nervous. He knew what he had to do, he’d been in the game longer than most. Experienced patients with delusion before. Why was he hesitant to open the door? Did he think he would become attached to the patient?


	2. Victoria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> William finally meets Victoria

Ten minutes had flown past as he continued to stand outside the room. He could hear her shuffling about talking to what he believed to be a dog. There were no animals in the institute. None were allowed. Some of the orderlies and the nurses were allergic.

With a shake of his head he knocked the thoughts free. His mind clear as he turned the handle and walked in. He saw her stood in the centre of the rather large room. She was alone as he had suspected. Her large blue eyes staring at him in a friendly yet elegant way.

There was no hesitation as he strolled towards her, he bent down on his knee and kissed the back of her hand. As though he was meeting her in the Victorian era, as though he was her prime minister.

He stood looking down at her. She was shorter than him by a few inches, it added to her charm. Her hair was tied in a tight up-do and her attire fit for royalty. There was no makeup on her face, or as far as he could tell and she looked graceful and dignified.

“I’m” he began.

“Lord Melbourne, that won’t do. I can’t continuously say Lord Melbourne. Lord M, I shall refer to you as” she commented, her voice filled the eerily quiet room. He stood stunned for a while, he hadn’t expected to hear such a confident voice from someone so tiny.

“Yes ma’am.” He caught himself stating. He could see why one would want to act a part in front of Victoria. She looked so pure, so innocent. “Do you know where you are?”

“Buckingham Palace. I have heard many things about you” She responded with a small laugh. He nodded moving on his feet. “Please let us sit”

“I’m sure not all good things” he mumbled as he removed a pen and paper. He wasn’t sure whether she could see the objects around her. Whether she could tell what was real and what was delusion.

“Lehzen said she was preparing some tea. I wonder where she got off to” she informed him, he shifted in his seat as he crossed one leg over the other.

“I’m sure she will be back soon” he told her. “Could you tell me about your childhood Victoria?”

She stood almost immediately, her hands flying in front of her like she was truly royalty. She walked to the window, her eyes looking outside. It was a typical gloomy day today, the rain had come down in a hurry and the puddles had grown larger in the past half an hour.

“I never knew my father, he died when I was so young. Mama raised me along with Lehzen. Dear Lehzen I really must see where she went off too” She informed him stepping towards the door.

“No, I beg your pardon, ma’am. But Baroness Lehzen will be back shortly.” He remarked as he held out his hand. His pen resting between his index and his middle finger.

“Tell me Lord M, what is parliament like? Mama never allowed me to go and even if I had I assume I was too small to remember” She laughed sitting on the chair. The metal scraping on the floor as she pushed back. He smirked as he looked at the file on his lap. His leg crossed over the other.

“It’s a rather bothersome subject. I hear that your mother,” he paused looking at the scribbles in the clear box. “The Duchess, is she happy?”

“Mama is never happy unless Sir John is happy” she spat. His lips quirked up. She had her opinions, and he wouldn’t be the one to tell her they were wrong. He had never liked Conroy the man would live through a nuclear attack like a cockroach that continuously appeared. “Even now that I am Queen, she insists on the man ruling me. I am not a puppet Lord M, and she does not understand that.”

“Perhaps the duchess should be notified of this. One would assume that a mother was there to love a child and not to rule her.” He caught himself speaking, his mind wondering as he watched for her reaction.

“At least here I am separate from mama.” She remarked with her head held high. She looked around the room, the door opening and Doctor Lehzen walking in. A tray full of tea. “Ah there you are Lehzen? I was beginning to think you had lost your way.”

“Sorry your majesty, will there be anything else?” She inquired her eyes averted from William. She purposely looked away from him, and he felt a small flicker of guilt. He shouldn’t have shouted at her.

“No, Lehzen that will be all.” She said. Victoria looked at the woman and smiled.

“Sorry Ma’am, I must take my leave. An important bill is to go through Parliament this afternoon and it requires my utmost attention” He spoke swiftly as he stood, she looked at him with sadness in her eyes.

“So soon, but you just arrived” She idly mentioned.

“I know, and if it weren’t important I would stay” he replied with care as he folded the file and held it under his arm. His eyes met with Doctor Lehzen’s and she nodded, before leaving.

\--

She stood across from the door, her eyes looking up the corridor as she smiled at a passing nurse. He frowned, she was supposed to be in a session with a group of schizophrenic patients and yet she was here.

“What was that?” he questioned and she looked at him confused.

“I was bringing her tea” she answered without a care.

“I thought I made it clear, you were to be tending your other patients.-“ He began.

“Emma is covering the session. She told me to gather the tea” Lehzen interjected and he opened his mouth before closing it again. Emma had always been one to disobey authority, she had a way with words that he found himself sometimes being manipulated by them.

“I’m sorry Doctor, you may go now” He informed her as she nodded and walked off towards the other nurses. He found himself turning back to look at the door.

His mind picturing her blue eyes looking at him with a smallest hint of sadness when he had to leave, her constant change of subject and the way she held herself as she spoke with him. His questions hadn’t been answered but he captivated already.

\--

“So how was it?” He heard her before he could see her. The voice that seemed to follow him around wherever he went. Be it when he was at home and sitting by the fire, or reading in the library. Her voice always seemed to emit from somewhere.

“Emma, I believe you have a patient to attend to” He commented signing a patient release form and tucking it back into a file.

“No, can’t say I do. You just signed their release form.” She said her eagle eye noticing the name on the file, he instantly regretted the signature as he looked up at her. She held out a coffee and he graciously accepted it. “She got to you”

“What…Why would you say that?” He questioned her almost immediately. His eyes darting around the room and the soft smile that had been on his face being replaced by a frown.

“The smile, Lehzen said you were smiling when she entered the room. And the way, and I quote, you carried yourself like a true politician of Victorian England. So who does she think you are?” Emma quizzed.

“Lord Melbourne” he confessed as he sipped the bitter liquid. She laughed and his frown deepened.

“It may be a bad time but Victoria would like to have a ball, a coronation ball. Most of the staff are up for it, even some of the patient with relatively stable minds are.” Emma commented.

“Don’t sit down” he interrupted her trail of thought as she sat down. He had wanted her to leave, she was a dear friend but at the current time he was hoping for peace and quiet, and maybe the forty winks he’d been dying to get since he arrived here. “No, it’s not good for her to live in a delusion”

“Says who?” Emma retorted.

“Says medical science. I’d rather get to the route of the problem whilst she’s still young.” He placed the mug on the desk, his coaster protecting the vanished wood.

“Says William Melbourne, the man with the key to all the nurses’ hearts and completely oblivious to the advances.” Emma laughed. “A ball would be good, it would cheer the patients and the staff. Also it would be a good way of seeing her delusion and just how big it is.”

“Will it make you leave?” He grumbled as he pulled another file in front of him and opened it. She nodded opposite him. “Fine…Advances?”

“My god, William. You’re not observant as you used to be. Nurse Smith gives you the eye every time you enter the canteen, and then she pays for a coffee every time you have a late one.” Emma smiled as she stood up and went to walk out.

“I thought she was after employee of the month, where are you going?” William remarked. His gaze following her as she paused by the door.

“I have a ball to plan, and a dress to find.” She laughed sipping her coffee and closing the door behind her.

His eyes fell onto the paper in front of him. ‘ _Victoria’s family history’_. He couldn’t remember picking up Victoria’s paperwork. He couldn’t remember reading this section. His eyes moved over the words as he learned. Picking up the information he thought was the most important.

“A ball, William. Honestly” he huffed.


	3. The Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set sort of, at the coronation ball.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written on several different days and it may be a little rough to read and needs some work but I promised someone that i'd update so here it is

He had locked himself away in his room. He ignored the knocks and the desperate calls of his name. Instead he sat at his desk; his eyes watching the picture with the fond memory of his boy. His Augustus. Part of the reason he had become a therapist at Buckingham, in the first place, was to look after his son better. He would often bring him to work. Sit him in his office as he played with the toys, as he attempted to read the overly complex literature.

His only surviving picture of his son was the picture of him at hospital. A young baby in his arms. He looked at himself smiling as he held the weightless life. He remembered whispering in his son’s ear that he would be like his old man. He would be the greatest.

It had all crumbled away within the years. He had grown ill and he had never recovered. His body had slowly started to shut down until he was but a child again. His brain had never grown and until his death he was suffering. He could see it every day he went to check on Augustus. When he held Augustus’ hand as he drifted to sleep.

He heard the soft vibration from next to him, his head rolling of his hand and looking at the phone.

‘ _I know what day it is, I’m sorry. I should have planned better but Victoria is asking for you – Emma’_ he read the words clearly but he wouldn’t allow himself to move. Wouldn’t allow himself to stand and change into his suit. He was comfortable in his brown dressing gown.

“What would you do Aug? What would you do Caroline?” He mused a loud. He chuckled as he thought about his crazed wife. “I guess you’d go to cheat again. Tell me to go as well, just so you could humiliate me.”

\--

The music swan through the air as he arrived to the canteen – or perhaps he should have called it a ballroom. Each of person in the room dressed in their smart clothing. He barely recognised the place, if he hadn’t known it to be an institute he would have thought it a marvellous dance hall.

He spotted her almost immediately dancing with the tall Russian, the man had rather intense sexual fantasies and craved touch. William felt himself tense at the sight, of anyone he would have preferred her to dance with and she had to choose him.

He found himself captivated however by just how elegantly she moved around the space, her eyes connecting with his every so often as she smiled at him.

“Beautiful isn’t it. Might I add that I did one hell of a job with this room” Emma commented beside him. His jaw tightened as he moved his gaze from Victoria to Emma.

“It’s different. I don’t see why I have to be here because one patient asked” He grumbled lifting as drink he’d been given to his lips and taking a sip.

“It’s because she asked. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here. You’d still be sulking at home.” Emma paused her comment. Her words sinking into his mind.

“I was not sulking. You knew that today was his birthday” he spat.

“I didn’t mean that William.” She stated placing her hand on his shoulder. He nodded and looked back at Victoria. Her eyes on the Russian, a smile planted on her face.

“Are you going to watch her all night, or are you going to dance with her?” Emma quizzed him as he sipped the drink again.

He felt his hand tighten on the glass as he watched the Russian’s hand moved uncomfortably lower. He shifted.

“Poor Victoria,” he heard one of the staff comment to the other. The glass cracked in his hands as the liquid began to seep through.

“Alfred, I think it’s about time the Alex retired.” His comment floated around his mind as he placed the broken glass down on the table. His eyes watching as he shook the glass that stuck to his hand.

He turned back around to see Victoria stood by herself. The glass rising to her lips as she casually swayed to the music.

“Go William” Emma pushed him slightly. Her eyes not leaving him as he moved closer to Victoria. He was cautious of his own movements as he watched her turn to see him.

“May I have the honour?” He questioned as she nodded in response, her glass being handed to an on duty orderly.  His hand rested delicately on her back as she placed her other hand in his. She looked at him and him at her. Their eyes connecting and he found himself remembering the times he used to dance.

“You dance so well, I wish I could dance with you all night” She commented, her eyes watching for his reaction as he spun the two. His eyes darting up to look at Emma, he gave a subtle nod to the right.

“You are very young. Tell me, Ma’am, where is it that you think we are? Humour me” He quizzed her his eyes staring into hers as he tried to make sense of her condition.

“Really Lord M, have you had too much to drink already, we are in Buckingham Palace.” She giggled and he gave her a smile, “I am eighteen, old enough to be queen. You are not old Lord M” She added.

He moved backwards with her as he looked at her, her youthful complexion that brought her elegance and innocence. A purity that he could never have in life.  He would have laughed at those who called him young, he would scoff at them as he drank his brandy. With her he couldn’t bring himself to laugh, he couldn’t bring himself to correct her in his usual cynical tone.

“If only that were true” he replied with a smirk. He hadn’t noticed the music had stopped until people began to disband from the dance floor. He released Victoria, the soft expression of sadness in her eyes as he bowed slightly and left her there.

\--

He watched from the shadows, as creepily it sounded, as she interacted with everyone. The way she named them, saw the different persona to the one they actually had. She has a natural talent when it came down to being around people. A purity that attracted them rather than frighten them.

“So?” Emma’s voice popped up beside him. He startled, his drink splashing over his hand. He raised an eyebrow looking at his fellow doctor. “Come on, you saw it too. How could you not? She likes you”

“I saw a girl surrounded in her own delusion, there’s something more to it though.” He sighed as he watched the clock above the door. It was almost midnight, the patients were still outside their beds and the staff still dancing. He’d be surprised if any of them showed for work the following day.

“You both made quite a show. Dancing with grace. Some of the nurses are jealous” Emma smirked playfully as she watched on.

“Mama sent you? To tell me what to do?” Victoria’s voice boomed through the crowd. He’d lost sight of her when Emma had appeared. His eyes darted over to her, he could see no-one before her. Her mother was still with Conroy back at Kensington.

His legs moved before he could think clearly as he motioned towards Victoria.

“Ma’am, it’s very hot in here? Perhaps we should take a walk out on the balcony” He waved her over as the others watched the two. Victoria’s confused eyes darting around the room. He exited the room before her, his feet halting once he had distanced the pair from the room. “I’m afraid you are tired ma’am. Perhaps you should retire”

He was still continuing to say ‘ _Ma’am’_. A term he would never normally use, a term he hadn’t since he was a child. His eyes fell on the gracious woman before him. Her eyes beaming as they looked at him. _She likes you_ he thought as he waited for a response.

“I don’t want to retire.” She paused briefly as her hands pulled him closer. His breath paused in his chest as he watched her, “I want to dance with you”

 _She likes you,_ Emma’s words rang clear in his head. How could a woman, he’d only met a day ago, like him. He wasn’t naturally likeable. In fact he’d endeavoured not to be after Caroline had died.

“Not tonight” he stopped, his eyes searching for some kind of reality in Victoria’s eyes. Some kind of acting. “Ma’am” he ended his sentence as she stepped back. She walked past him, his eyes still laying on the patch of ground where she stood moments ago.

His thoughts drifting to her episode, who had she been seeing. The nearest guests were at least fifteen metres from where she stood. Was this another part of her delusion, he wondered how long she had been seeing delusions.

\--

He could sense the eyes upon him as he entered, his line of sight solely on Emma as he marched towards her. She stood there with her glass to her lips and a small dignified smile.

“See you saw it” she mentioned lowering the glass. He nodded.

“The delusion consumes her entirely, as though her whole life was the life of the Queen of England. I doubt she can even sort fact from fiction. Hallucinations are new, they weren’t in her report” His words came out rushed as he felt the line connect in his mind. As he made decisions based on his experience. He swiftly turned finding a new source of energy, he practically sprang from the room. “Clean this up” He shouted back.


	4. A walk in the Gardens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> William and Victoria take a walk in the garden's of the Buckingham institute

He had not bothered to go home after the ball; no, instead he chose to sleep on the uncomfortable fold away bed he hid in his office cupboard along with spare suit and tie. He had kept them there when he was going through a rough patch with Caroline, when he had found out about the affair and could no longer bare seeing her.

The computer flickered as he clicked through the web pages, his eyes ingesting the information he could find about the Victorian era. He couldn’t help the small smile that appeared on his face as he read about the Prime Minister of the time, how they shared the same life, yet with no biological relation.

“Sir, she is asking for you” Lehzen’s voice cut through the silence as she stood at the doorway. Her eyes looking at the fold away bed. “You slept here?”

He had hoped to avoid the subject, he had hoped to avoid all conversation this morning as he worked. His green eyes flicked from the computer to Lehzen.

“I would have thought that was obvious from the bed” he paused closing his eyes and running a hand over his face. “I am sorry, I’ll be there in a minute.”

 The door made a satisfying click to signal it had closed and he found himself enjoying the peace that surrounded him. This was the third time this morning he had been called for. The third time he had told them he’d be there in a minute.

“William get up! Time for work.” Emma shouted as she burst through the closed door. He blinked as he watched her clean away the mess in the room. As she folded the sheets and packed away the bed.

“I should get a better lock” he muttered to himself.

“Should but won’t knowing you” Emma responded, his eyes warning her to stay quiet.

“Victoria wants you” she gave him a look, and he nodded, locking his jaw.

\--

The walk seemed shorter than normal or maybe he hadn’t been paying enough attention. He never was these days. Old age he would blame, but was it really old age? Or was it him?

The door stood ajar as he saw her swinging her legs by the window. Her silky long hair surrounded her shoulders as she hummed to herself.

“I wonder where Lord M has gone off to, Dash. He said he’d be here.” She uttered, causing him to smile briefly. It was a short lived smile, his mind reminding him that she wasn’t talking about him but about the prime minister. The kind, laidback man who ran a political party without a care in the world. Not the stuck up, grumpy doctor.

“Sorry for my delay ma’am, I had a matter to attend to” He spoke up as he marched into the room. She stood up almost immediately and smiled at him, a smile that stretched from ear to ear and made her look positively angelic. “I wonder ma’am, if it would be alright for Doc-Lady Portman to sit in on our session” He added.

“Why ever would she need to be here?” Victoria announced alarmed.

“There is a matter to discuss and she is better conversation than her oaf of a husband” he chuckled as Victoria glanced towards the door.

“Your Majesty” Emma called out, her eyes burning through the back of his head. He could tell she was ready to hit him. “You look positively radiant today, don’t you think Lord M?”

His eyes widened as he looked back at Emma, a playful smirk on her lips as she waited for his answer.

“Well Lord M?” Victoria asked and he turned back to her, his eyes still wide as he tried to think. It was true she did look radiant for a woman, who only yesterday had a miniature episode.

“I agree, ma’am” he stumbled across his words as he pronounced them.

“Lord M, do not worry. I would not send you to the tower if you disagreed.” Victoria laughed a hand flying out to his arm. His body tensing as he watched her. “Come, let’s walk in the gardens. It’s a beautiful day don’t you think?”

It was raining, the water hit the glass outside and he frowned. He would hardly call it a beautiful day, more like the typical British Weather that managed to dampen the mood of anyone.

“Your Majesty, it is raining. You would catch your death out there” Emma’s voice rang. There was nothing that could have hidden the look of sadness and confusion on Victoria’s face as she turned to the window. His eyes following her gaze as he saw the raindrops. The tiny bullets that engulfed the window.

“Um, Ma’am, it appears Lady Portman is feeling under the weather. I will accompany you on a walk.” He interrupted the silence, his words escaping his mouth before he had time to register them.

“Lehzen must fetch the doctor, I cannot have one of my Ladies ill” She began concerned.

“It’s nothing your majesty, nothing a good lie down cannot fix” She curtsied before leaving.

“Shall we?” He quizzed holding out his arm.

\--

It felt as though he had lost control of his movements, his mind, even his voice. He felt like he was merely observing the scene from the prime ministers perspective.

“I wonder that you have not married again, Lord M” She questioned him as they walked. How could she have known he was married? They had not, prior to two days ago, met. Realisation dawned in him as he sighed. She was speaking about Lord Melbourne not him.

He wondered how he could answer the question, how he should answer it, he couldn’t tell her about his own wife. There was no reason for her to know, yet he couldn’t lie to her. Something about her made him refuse to lie to her.

“My wife died a few years ago and I’ve never been able to replace her. She was not a model wife by any means, but she was enough for me.” He confessed his eyes watching the muddy ground. He’d need to clean his shoes, he’d need to get his trousers dry cleaned.

“You did not mind she ran away with Lord Byron?” She asked him and he found himself breathing in deeply. George Byron, was a family friend. Well not so much now he supposed as he thought of the man. The man his wife had left him for. The man who thought of his wife as a little bit of fun on the side.

“Yes, I minded.” He paused mid thought. He had minded when she had revealed it, when she had told him. He’d minded when he found the manuscript of the book she had wanted to write, but whether he truly minded that she had done it. They hadn’t been the same for some time, they had hit their rough patches.

“But you did not disown her?” Victoria stood before him making him stop abruptly. Her joyful blue eyes looking up at him with intrigue. “I think I would find such behaviour hard to forgive”

She released his arm and spun around slightly as she spoke, and he felt the sudden coldness of her touch. He felt the cold air nipping at him all of a sudden. He hadn’t even noticed the weather since they had exited the building. He hadn’t noticed that the both of them were now drenched and her hair was sticking to her face and shoulders.

“Perhaps you are too young to understand. George Byron, was a man that women adored. It would have been difficult for anyone to resist his charms. I’d say you would find it difficult. I should have seen it coming.” He admitted looking at Victoria who paused and looked at him with sad eyes.

“Lord M?” She expressed, her hand touching his shoulder. “You are a kind man, who could not have seen it.”

He nodded giving a deep sigh before looking back at the grand institute. They had walked to the north side of the building, to his office. His eyes sought out the windows, the lights were on adding light to the dreary room. He could see Emma stood in the window, a cup of coffee in her hand.

“Come, we should be heading back” He responded. He watched as Victoria shivered, as she rubbed her shoulder. “Are you cold?”

“Cold? It is rather chilly but that is winter. I should have asked Lehzen to get my shawl” She replied. He rubbed his hand over his face as he contemplated his moves. His hands moving to his jacket buttons.

 _She was cold, this is strictly professional_ he thought as he removed the jacket and placed it over her shoulders. As he watched the warmth surround her. Her smile growing as they began back to the institute.

\--

“And what pray tell was that?” Emma asked as soon as he entered his office. He removed his tie and undid his button as he wandered to the cupboard. Her eyes criticising him, judging him silently as he moved.

“I don’t understand, Emma, you’ll have to be more specific” He told her as he pulled out his spare shirt. His fingers delicately unbuttoning his shirt.

“You gave her your jacket, you don’t just give anyone you’re jacket” She spoke. He rolled his eyes slightly and peeled the shirt from his shoulder before pulling on the dry one.

“Maybe she’s not just anyone” he whispered as he buttoned the shirt. His fingers pausing on the top button.

“What?” Emma asked.

“Nothing, she was cold, I do my best to keep my patients healthy” He remarked. “Don’t you have a patient to attend to?”

He fiddled with the material of his tie, his mind contemplating as to whether he should have one or whether he should not bother. He wondered what Victoria would think, what she would suggest.

He shook his head, as he removed the material from around his neck and threw it back in the cupboard.

“Jacob Hood, paranoid” She announced, her eyes looking at him. “Damn it, I have three minutes to get to the west wing. Wish me luck, the man is way too intelligent to be in here.”

She left suddenly, his office feeling empty as he walked to his desk. His back collided with his chair, the air being knocked out of him slightly from the impact.

“What’s so special about you Victoria?” He mused as he pulled out the file, the brown corners curling and the front ripped slightly from the amount of times he’d opened it.


	5. Who could this be?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> surprise visitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was rushed, generally because I was thinking about the next chapter and I just needed to upload this one. I promise if it's confusing it will be explained within the next chapter and as always enjoy. It does get better

“It’s been a month. You’ve none stop been speaking to her. I think, sir, you have too much influence over her” Lehzen voiced as they sat in the conference room. All eyes were on him as he shifted, there were only three of them but he felt like he was being put up for trial.

“Louise, Dr Melbourne is a brilliant therapist. He spends equal time on each of his patients. Do not feel as though he treats Victoria differently.” Emma lied. He knew it was a lie, she knew it was a lie. He’d spent longer with Victoria, he’d got to know her. Found her likes and dislikes, and she found out his.

“Just the other day, she wanted to visit him at home” Lehzen barked, her eyes drilling into his soul. He shivered uncomfortably in the seat, he was yet to speak since the meeting started. He’d yet to even glance at Emma, instead he focused on Lehzen and then on the table before him. His mind drifting off to Victoria, and her delusions.

“I wish to speak to Conroy and her mother” He spoke up, his voice making the two women jump. They stared at him as if he had just announced the cure for Cancer. Which unfortunately he hadn’t, although given time he was sure that Jacob Hood, Emma’s patient, could have.

“You can’t, they do not want to visit her.” Lehzen retorted, his eyebrow rose.

“Then I will visit them” He responded, he stood abruptly and headed for the door.

“William, you can’t.” Emma warned him. His hand froze on the door handle and he looked at his reflection. His face was full of determination, his eyes full of an inner rage. Why wouldn’t her mother visit her? Why would she give up on her daughter?

He released a frustrated sigh and tugged on the door. It made a satisfying sound as it hit the wall and he stormed from the room.

\--

“Lord M, I did not think I was going to see you today” She spoke, her soft voice filling his ears as he sat at the table. His leg crossed over his other and a cup of tea before him. She sat opposite him, her cup in her hand.

“I did not think I would come” He mumbled. “Actually Ma’am, I was wondering if perhaps you’d like to acco-“his voice cut off almost immediately. His words falling where they stood as she looked at him. Her eyes full of joy, a blissful joy that could only ever be found there.

She sat with her hands folded on her lap, her hair carefully styled by Lehzen, or perhaps another orderly. She looked so young, her complexion full of youth.

“Victoria” a thick accent shouted outside the door, the voice coming nearer and nearer. William found himself frowning at the door as he waited for it to open. It was all he could do, all he could think to do. “Victoria”

The source appeared as the door swung open, the man froze as he looked at the two. William’s green eyes roaming over him as he tried to figure out who he was. Almost as swiftly as he could the man stood straight, his own dark eyes staring down at William. Almost as though they were not equals.

“Cousin Albert, I feel you are not yourself, you should know no-one is permitted to enter the Queen’s study without permission.” Victoria announced as she stood. The chair beneath her scraping on the hard wooden floor. The small rug behind it lifting at the corner.

“Cousin Albert?” William caught himself asking to himself, the words almost inaudible to Victoria but the man had noticed. His concentration on William as he ignored Victoria’s sentence.

“You must be Doctor Melbourne, I have heard a lot about you” Albert’s words cut through the room like a throwing knife. His miserly demeanour evident from how he stood, his nose held high, his hair neatly groomed. Almost fit for a prince.

“Yes,” he paused before continuing his eyes looking at Victoria, her quiet rage seething. He’d seen her angry before, many times in fact; an experience he tended to avoid. “Ma’am, if I could. I have a very urgent matter that requires the help from Albert.”

“Oh, well. Of course Lord M.” her disappointment was evident in her voice, “I do hope you’ll visit me this evening before supper”

“It would take the whole British Army to keep me away” he smiled. It was another thing he’d noticed recently, he smiled more with Victoria. He hadn’t smiled genuinely after Augustus died. He hadn’t even been able to muster a small fake smile. Not even half of one.

\--

He sat at his desk, Albert sat on the opposite side. William could feel Albert’s eyes on him, judging him. Perhaps already making up stories. His eyes, however, continued to scan the file for any mention of Albert. Of any sort of recognition to the name. To the man that sat before him.

“You’re not in Victoria’s file. I wonder, what is your relation to Victoria?” He pronounced as he looked up. Albert swallowed as he looked to the window.

“I am Victoria’s Fiancé.” Albert responded. William’s eyes widened in shock as the words properly sunk in. His gaze faltering to the background information on Victoria. How had the paperwork at Kensington been so bad as to ignore the fact Victoria had a fiancé?

William blinked slowly as he felt the beat of his heart slow, his thoughts numbing as he tried to comprehend what was going on. He hadn’t thought a simple phrase like that could have affected him as much as it had. He’d almost forgotten Albert was still in the room if it hadn’t been for his accent.

“Doctor Lehzen has said that you spend a lot of time with Victoria.” Albert stated and William couldn’t find the point behind the statement. His eyebrow twitching in confusion.

“I am her doctor” William nodded.

“So is Doctor Lehzen and Doctor Portman, but Louise says that they see Victoria very little in comparison to you. I was wondering, as is her mother and John Conroy, whether your intentions are the right ones”

William released a lengthy sigh, his whole manner shifting as he felt his anger rise. It was rare that he would get so angry, it was rare that he lost his temper. He used to be laidback and calm but with his job and failing marriage he had changed. He hadn’t wanted to but he had.

Though his anger could be justified, he shook his head in an attempt to dislodge the feeling.

“I do believe that as a doctor, which you are not might I add, I am entitled to see my patients however many times I need to. Victoria is a interesting case, her delusions spring from a much greater problem, which coincidentally is what I am trying to find out. Unlike our dear doctor Lehzen, I actually want to make my patients better not further push them into their problem. Now if you’d be so kind as to leave. Victoria won’t be seeing visitors this week. Doctor’s orders” he exhaled, his heart racing as he glared at Albert.

Albert stood promptly, his eyes still staring at William who had closed his.

William was content until the door had opened and closed, until he had heard the click and the frame hit the edge of the door. His eyes opened as he stared ahead of him his thoughts flying around his head.

\--

He hadn’t noticed how long her had sat there looking forward, he hadn’t even noticed when a fresh coffee had been placed before him. He hadn’t noticed the extra presence in the room as he continued to think. To piece together the information he had.

“I thought you were going to visit me” Her angelic voice floated across the room. He snapped his head to the source his frown softening as he looked at her. She’d changed into the dark blue dress he enjoyed seeing.

“I had a matter to attend to” he lied his voice cracking slightly as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “What are you doing here, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Lady Portman brought me here, she’s outside. Lord M are you well?” she countered with her own question as she fiddled with her right fingers. She did that when she had something on her mind. When she was in the middle of a thought. He’d seen it many times. Her little fingers turning and tapping the air as she focused on some imaginary letters.

“I am, better now I can see you.” He trailed off as he silently shook his head. “It makes me feel young, to be surrounded by you ma’am”

“You are not old, as I’ve told you before” she laughed sitting on the chair opposite him. The chair only which this morning contained the presence of her fiancé.

“I’m old enough to know that the sound of your bones creaking when you move is not a positive sign” he chuckled attempting to pry a laugh from her. Which he did without failure. “I told my son that once, though he didn’t quite understand what I was saying he laughed”

“I wanted to give my apology for Cousin Albert’s intrusion this morning.” She blurted out as she moved her hands to her middle. “I feel it was rather rude of him”

“There’s no need to apologise, he only wished to see his fiancé” he replied, the air turning colder as he realise what he had said. Victoria probably had no idea Albert was her fiancé, the she had begun a relationship, a life before her delusions worsened.

“Fiancé. You sound like Mama and Uncle Leopold. They have been constantly telling me that I should ask Albert to marry me. I would rather kiss Robert Peele” Victoria laughed as she leaned backwards.

Robert Peele was a name William hadn’t heard in a long time. In fact the last time he’d heard the mention of the name it was accompanied with the words; blood sucking leech and scandal.

“I’m sure Lady Peele would not take too kindly to that” he laughed. Another strange sensation.

“I do enjoy our chats Lord M. I wish I could chat with you every day, without interruptions” Victoria uttered. He was sure he wasn’t supposed to hear the last part. His swallowed as his mind thought of Albert’s words. He had to do something before his morals strayed. Before he dug himself into a hole he couldn’t get out of.

“I wish that could be, but I fear that our meetings must come to an end.” He stated plainly. He wouldn’t explain, he couldn’t explain. He wasn’t sure this was the right thing to do, he wasn’t sure what was right anymore.


	6. Brocket Hall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> William isn't at the hospital, and neither is Victoria. In fact somehow they're in his garden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for spelling mistakes. I'm sorry. I'm tired, feel free to injure me somehow. This will get better for Vicbourne, I'm certain just well...you'll see.

** CHAPTER SIX: **

                He didn’t remember her response to his sentence, he couldn’t remember what happened after the words had left his lips. He was still trying to process what he was doing, trying to tell himself that he was doing the right thing.

He sat in his garden; eyes focused at the flying birds in the sky. At the way they danced around each other in some beautiful performance. He felt the memory of dancing with Victoria creep into his mind. He saw it playing before him in the sky.

He shook his head gently and turned his eyes to the ground. The breeze causing the grass to shift in the earth, which remained damp from yesterday’s rain. He’d been caught in it after he had left the hospital, he’d been caught in the down pour when his car stopped working.

A few months ago he would have thought the car stopping was a sign that he should get a new one, but yesterday he thought different. He thought it was a sign to turn around, to apologise and continue trying to help Victoria. She was his patient, he had made a vow, a silent one. He had a duty of care.

He was giving up, he was taking the coward’s way out, all because her fiancé appeared. All because he was suddenly reminded that he wasn’t as young as he once was. That he couldn’t possibly be creating feelings for a young lady who was vulnerable.

His phone vibrated in his pocket and he felt no inclination to answer it. To even check the caller ID. He knew it was Emma. He knew she was wondering why he wasn’t at work today. Why he wouldn’t be at work tomorrow? Why he may never go back?

“This is ridiculous William” He muttered to himself as he looked up at the birds flying around the garden again. “One patient’s fiancé and you’re considering quitting. If Caroline could see you now”

“Fiancé? Patient?” A voice uttered from behind him and he found himself jumping as he turned. He saw her stood as graceful as she did when they first met. Her hands folded at her front, her attire different. His eyes looked over her and then behind her. Emma stood in the driveway, her car parked to the side. “Lord M, you do speak so bizarrely”

“It is you,” he chuckled in surprise “I could not tell”

He lied, he could always tell it was her. He could pick her out in a crowd, he could see her from a mile away. Her aura a beacon to him. Her smile a light.

“I have come incognito” she mused waving to her jeans and t-shirt. It seemed so different to see her in modern clothes, to see her out of the fancy frocks and in conventional clothing. He smiled at her, his head tilted to the side.

“Of course, although your presence cannot be entirely disguised.” Again he found himself questioning why he was continuing the charade. He was no more the prime minister than he was the president of America. He was adopting her delusion. He was wishing it to be his life.

“Yesterday I realised something,” She paused her eyes looking to him for confirmation. Confirmation he was listening. He nodded. “I think perhaps I’m speaking as a woman and not as a queen. At the beginning I thought you were the father I never had. But now I feel, I know. That you are the only companion I could ever desire”

The words seared in his mind, they swam in circles in his head. Had he heard correctly? Was he dreaming?

Part of him wished for it to be a dream. Wished for him to just wake up sat in his library or at his desk with a half-finished bottle of bourbon sitting before him. However part of him knew it was real, knew that he was stood in his garden. The Rooks still fluttering above as he lifted her hand in his gently. His fingers dancing over the smooth skin.

He cherished the way they stood still, neither speaking of moving. He cherished the blissful feeling, as though she was not his patient as though she was healthy mentally.

‘ _I’m her fiancé.’_ The words cut through his mind in their attempt to dislodge his thoughts. They stung as he thought about her engagement; Albert sat smugly in his office the tea in his hand. His eyes glaring at William. Victoria belonged to Albert.

He just had to let her down, he just had to allow her to forget about him. He’d give her case to Emma. He’d stop being her doctor, he’d avoid her wing altogether. The sound of the birds stirred him from his thoughts. His eyes briefly flicking up. The rooks.

“Victoria” he whispered. “Did you know that Rooks mate for life? Each year they build their nests together renew all those civilities that make a marriage sparkle”

He had to pause himself. He had to stop himself. What was he saying?

His eyes travelled over her face, saw the tears that pricked at the corner of her eyes. He hoped they weren’t reflected in his eyes but he could feel them to. Something about her made him care. He cared about her. It was because he cared about her, he supposed, that he continued with what he was saying.

“I think we could learn much from them” He paused again. He was being selfish, he’d been selfish. He was a doctor. He was there to help people not indulge them for the gain of a new life. A new him. “If I had just spent more time watching the rooks, my wife would have felt more attended to”

It was true; he hadn’t given Caroline enough attention, he had always been too busy. He’d been too focused on helping Augustus he hadn’t noticed Caroline falling out of love with him and into love with Byron.

“She should never have left you. I would never do that” She begged, a tear slipping from her eye. He wouldn’t normally have noticed, if it hadn’t been for the desperate plead, a silent one. He knew it well. He’d pleaded with himself many times. He’d pleaded with Caroline. He’d begged her to stay beside him.

“Victoria this is foolish. You need to snap out of this delusion, I may not know what the cause of it is, and believe me I would like nothing but to find out. To help you but you have a fiancé who cares for you. Your delusion has caused your infatuation with me. You surely know this could never be. I believe when you give your heart, it will be without hesitation but you cannot give it to me. You must understand” He ranted, his voice gaining sternness.

“I think you already have it” she uttered and he felt his heart ache. He felt his eyes drop to the ground. His heart felt heavier as he closed his eyes.

“No” his efforts were meaningless. She hadn’t heard a word of what he said, her delusion was beyond his treatment, “You must keep it intact. For I have no use for it, you see. Like a rook I mate for life”

Her hand slipped out of his and he missed the last thing that came from her mouth. His words piercing his skin, his heart shattering before him as he felt the ache grow. She turned walking away, his eyes following her before he moved to Emma, who like a good doc- friend ran to her side.

He sighed deeply blinking away his own tears that filled his eyes. He looked up at the Rooks, most had flown back to their nests, and two remained.

“William Bloody Melbourne” A voice shouted and he knew what was coming. He knew the lecture he was going to receive. “You think about what you’ve done?”

“Emma, listen” He trailed off looking at his friend. His only friend.

“Don’t you dare Emma listen me. You know how much that girl cares about you. It took all her strength to convince me to bring her here. So she could tell you how much you mean to her but you just tore up her heart and threw it in the bin. The William I knew would never do that” Emma shouted. Her words stabbing at him.

“That’s just it, Emma. I’m not the William you knew. She is my patient, I am her doctor. She has a fiancé. My job is to treat her but I can’t” William faltered as he stood looking back at the car. Victoria sat in the backseat. Her head turned to the opposite window. He could tell she was sobbing.

“Can’t or Won’t. I’ve seen how you both look at each other. You look at her as if she is more than just a patient. She looks at you as if you were more than just her prime minister.” Emma responded. “She loves you, and you love her. No matter how many times you try to hide it.”

He opened his mouth to speak but closed it. No words sprung to his mind as he stared at Emma. They were silent, her frown marking him as though he were the runt of the litter.

“If you change your mind, there’s a ball happening at the hospital. Lehzen invited Albert to come in hopes Albert can knock the delusion loose. I hope you’ll make it for the last dance” Emma commented heading off.

Yet again he was left alone. His thoughts his only company.

\--

A couple hours had passed, his attention focused on the glass in his hand. The half empty bourbon bottle. He’d drunk the first half of it the other day and now he contemplated pouring himself a glass.

He contemplated having a shower and changing. He contemplated grabbing his keys and driving to the hospital. He contemplated heading to the ball; dancing with Victoria. Apologising. Telling her he’d made a mistake.

Alas, he continued to sit there the glass twirling on the arm of the chair. The bottle on the table beside it.


	7. Almost the end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> William goes back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good thing and bad thing.   
> Good thing: this is dedicated to my friend whose birthday was yesterday and I promised her the chapter yesterday or sunday but I didn't upload and well I'm a bad friend. 
> 
> Bad thing: this is a trigger type warning, it mentions some rough things for people who have experience self harm or suicide and I assume this is the sort of thing you put on those things. So I thought I'd pre-warn people. I'm not very good with that sort of stuff so my apologies. It's how I am.

He had probably drunk the whole bottle by the time morning came around. The sun beaming through the narrow line of the curtains, the light hitting his eyes and stirring him. His head pounded as he squeezed his eyes shut.

His night had been restless, mental images of the meetings he’d had with Victoria popping up causing him more distress. He hadn’t been able to get her out of his mind, and yet he still hadn’t taken Emma’s advice. He was a coward. A coward, running from the problem again.

His neck ached as he lifted himself in his seat. The bottle toppling to the floor and his glass smashing along with it. He wasn’t bothered, he’d clean it up later. He stood slowly the room spinning slightly. He couldn’t remember moving to the living room. He couldn’t remember how his files had been scattered around the room. Or how one of the curtain railings had been ripped from the wall.

His phone vibrated on the floor near the fireplace. He heard it, felt it on the floorboards beneath him. He winced as a sharp pain went through his head. He staggered towards it; bending down to lift it. He read the screen carefully his brows pinching together as he focused on the words.

‘ _William it’s urgent, answer the phone’_

_‘WILLIAM PLEASE’_

_‘THERE’S A PROBLEM WITH VICTORIA’_

_‘THIRTY MISSED CALLS FROM EMMA PORTMAN’_

_‘STOP WITH YOUR STROPPING. SHE NEEDS YOU NOT ME, NOT ALBERT, NOT LEHZEN. YOU WILLIAM.’_

He felt himself panicking. He’d been too drunk, too out of his mind to even notice his phone. He’d been too concerned with his own problem, his own stupidity that he hadn’t noticed. He was a poor excuse for a doctor, giving up so easily.

He ran as fast as he could to his car, he’d change at the hospital. He just had to get there. He just needed to see with his own eyes. He almost tripped over the small table, which had been thrown onto the floor in some tantrum, on his way out.

\--

He was halfway to the hospital now, he was most definitely still drunk, or still had the effects of being drunk. He’d almost crashed three times and his mind kept running through images. Images of things his patients had done before. Things that made the toughest of people tremble. Just last month he’d lost a patient who’d relapsed. They were so young and yet he’d been unable to foresee it. He’d been unable to hear their silent pleas of help. 

Victoria wouldn’t do that, he knew she wouldn’t. He believed in her. His foot pushed further onto the accelerator as he turned the corner, it was reckless. Dangerous to drive like this.

His eyes flew over the roads as his car slowed, his foot hitting the accelerator repeatedly. The road was no longer zooming past him in some kind of a flash. It was now still underneath his car. The bonnet expelled smoke as he clambered out the car and opened it. He was met with the wretched smell of diesel and thick smoke. He coughed slightly before looking around.

The hospital was ten miles away. The nearest town fifteen. He wandered back to the car, switching on his hazards before reaching for his phone. He wreaked of alcohol, even he could smell it. There was no point in calling for help, he’d be locked up in a cell in no time.

He scrolled through his contacts. He could call his brother, but then what use would it be. His brother was some reckless tear-away who couldn’t control his drug habits or his alcoholism. He wasn’t much of a big brother in William’s books.

He tapped on the one name he could depend on. He lifted the phone to his ear, listening intently to the ringing sounds.

“William, it’s about bloody time you-“ the voice shouted down the phone.

“Listen Emma, I’m on my way but my car broke down. I just- I need you to come and get me please” He interrupted her as he looked at either end of the road. It was still abandoned.

“Trust you to pick the one day my husband has the car” Emma sighed. He could mentally picture her rubbing a hand over her forehead and looking around his office. Obviously she wouldn’t be in her own perfectly fine one. No she preferred to irritate him by working in his office, he commonly found her hunched over writing her reports at his desk.

“Ok, it’s fine. I’ll be there in roughly an hour.” He said already running up the road. He’d have to run, he was capable of running the distance. He was a healthy man, it couldn’t be to difficulty.

He ended the phone call as he pumped his arms up and ran.

\--

An hour had passed, he was tired but he had finally made it. He crashed through the front doors. Two of the orderlies looking at him with a frown. One concerned enough to rush over and grab William’s arm.

“Dr Melbourne, are you ok?” They asked, their voice betraying the humour they had. He glared at them before yanking his arm free.

“Get Dr Portman” he demanded as he straightened himself.

Once he’d finally reached his office, he headed to his cupboard. His spare set of clothes hanging delicately on the railing. The tie hanging loosely on the metal, the shirt creased but suitable. He pulled off his own clothing changing with some speed.

“William, she had an episode. A big one. We had to restrain her. I can only assume it’s from her meeting with you yesterday afternoon.” Emma stated walking through the door as he tied his tie. She was followed by Lehzen. Her footsteps evident to his ears. She walked with a louder thump than Emma, and most of the other female orderlies and nurses.

“She saw you yesterday. No wonder she’s devastated. You should not have seen her” Lehzen sternly remarked. Her voice like venom to his ears.

“I had no idea it was going to happen. It wasn’t my decision” He spat back folding his collar over his tie. He stormed to his desk pulling open the drawer and removing a small packet it of mints. He lifted one out popping it into his mouth.

“You’ve been drinking. I can smell it from here. We should never have moved Victoria here. She was safer at Kensington. Safer anywhere but here” Lehzen continued. He rolled his eyes, he was fed up with Lehzen. She’d been nothing but a thorn in his side. She despised the amount of time Victoria spent with him.

“I am aware” he mentioned, lifting a suit jacket from the back of his chair and pulling it over his shoulders. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be seeing my patient now”

“You cannot be serious. Dr Portman tell him?” Lehzen countered.

“Louise, William is a capable doctor. Yes, drinking wasn’t the suitable idea but Victoria is as much his patient as ours. I believe him seeing her, and her seeing him will help both of them.” Emma soothed. She was calmer than any of them. Her eyes looking at William as she spoke. A small smile resting on her lips. She was just grateful he had come back, that he cared enough to help.

“This is madness.” Lehzen sighed in frustration.

“No this is a hospital” William couldn’t help but state. He marched from the office down the halls. He’d be at Victoria’s room in no time.

He saw Albert before Victoria as he opened the door. The taller male staring down at him. Victoria’s hand held with his. William breathed out before heading towards Victoria’s bed. He could see the restraints around her arms. His heart lurched, this wasn’t a sight he enjoyed. She needn’t be tied to the bed, like some dangerous animal.

“What are you doing here? She was fine yesterday morning. This is your fault” Albert spat out. His words rang in William’s mind. He turned to Albert, his eyes locking with the younger males.

“I am aware of that too. I think it best, you wait outside. I need to check on my patient.” He informed Albert. Albert stood with arrogance and anger erupting from him. He turned to walk out of the room. Emma peered through the open doorway. “Would you like to tell me it’s my fault too?”

The words left his lips before he had a chance to think. His hands wiping his eyes as he motioned to remove the restraints.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say it like that” William sighed.

“She’s been sedated” Emma replied, “This morning, she tried to”

“Don’t” he warned Emma. His green eyes already filling with water. He blinked them away, he should have been there at the ball. Should have apologised.

“She didn’t say anything in the journey back. She kept quiet. Then she started to question reality. She heard you say Doctor. She heard one of the nurses, who she believed to be her dresser, speaking about her phone and car. She got confused.” Emma continued on as he released her other arm from the restraints.

She looked peaceful as she slept. Like she had no care in the world. He wanted to see her bright blue eyes, see the joy that was contained in them.

“I was trying to distance myself. I was trying to help.” He confessed as he fell into the seat Albert had been in. His eyes resting on Victoria’s sleeping form. “I didn’t mean for her to relapse. To get confused.”

“I know” Emma answered. “That doesn’t matter. You’re here now and when she wakes up you’ll be here to explain…everything”

Her emphasis on the word everything told him what she really meant. She wanted him to explain why he had said what he had said. She wanted him to explain his feelings not just hide behind his profession or the large manor house he resided in.

How could he tell her something he’d been struggling with for a while now?


	8. FINALE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end is nigh, (The crappy end but the end alas)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so since the last chapter I wasn't certain how I was going to fix them and I know I could do better but I just didn't want to take forever to upload so as per usual here is a new chapter. If any of you readers aren't entirely content on how it finished. I'd be more than happy to re-write it, and change it because I know I can personally do better. Plus Vicbourne deserve better.

“He’s been out for eleven hours” the voice whispered as Victoria opened her eyes. The room was dimly lit, just how she remembered it being, or did she remember it. There was no fancy decorative ceiling like there was yesterday before she visited Lord M. Lord M? How did she remember that name? Her prime minister. Of course she remembered now.

Her head turned as she followed the source of the voice. She saw Emma stood at the doorway, a strange paper book in her hands. She was dressed differently, in some type of shirt. Blouse. Victoria frowned confused as Emma continued forward.

“Doctor Melbourne…William. Lord Melbourne hasn’t left you side since he arrived” Emma frowned at herself. Victoria could sense she had struggled to find a name. Doctor Melbourne. She had heard it before. She had heard it coming from his mouth. She went to move her hand but stopped. She felt the pressure on it. The warmth surrounding it. She looked to her hand. She saw the large one wrapped around it.

Her gaze followed it until she saw the man, the peaceful look in his face was one she had never seen before. He was always so worried, she could see it hidden under his features. Behind the smile he adorned often, creeping out from within his eyes. His kind eyes.

“Do you know where you are?” Emma questioned. She was yet to speak, yet to answer her. Her eyes scanned her surroundings. The palace never looked like this.  This wasn’t her room, it wasn’t the room of a hospital. She’d visited one before, when she was much younger, but this was not one. Her eyes caught the mirror on the opposite side. Caught the foreign object that emitted light. She’d never seen it before. Or had she?

“No” she commented feebly.

“Do you know who you are?” Emma questioned again, Emma was writing, with some sort of pen. A pen.

Who was she? She was Victoria, nothing more than just Victoria. No she was the Queen. Was she? She couldn’t remember.

“Victoria?” Another voice joined the conversation, her eyes jumping to the door. She saw the taller male. Albert. She remembered Albert. How did she remember Albert?

“Sir, I believe visiting hours aren’t for a few more hours at least.” Emma commented, her voice stern. Unlike Victoria had ever heard. Albert looked at Victoria then at Emma.

“Of course” his tone was firmer than Victoria remembered. More arrogant.

She remembered the garden, she remembered crying, being confused. Seeing a car, a phone. She’d seen a sign outside. Buckingham Hospital.

“Hospital.” She uttered. Her voice confused. Her eyes searching the bed for an answer. “Doctor Melbourne, Doctor Portman.”

“What?” Emma stated, she was amazed, Victoria could see it in her face.

“You’re Doctor Portman, correct?”

“I need to wake him, he’ll want to see this. William get your sorry backside up” Emma said louder than before. Victoria’s eyes landed on the sleeping male, she saw his face twitch and his hand grip tighter on her. Any tighter and she'd be in pain.

He didn’t stir from his sleep. Emma’s file closed, Victoria heard it, the papers slam together causing a soft wind.

“William” Victoria whisper moving her hand. “William” She spoke louder. “William Melbourne” She all but shouted.

The man jumped in his seat. His eyes opening, she laughed at the dazed expression on his face as he gathered his surroundings. As he let the words fully process. Her blue eyes watched as he blinked.

“What did you say?” He questioned his voice rough from the sleep. She saw his eyes look down at his hand, watched as he released her and stretched standing, he turned to face Emma then back at Victoria.

“William Melbourne.” Victoria said, her words more confident.

“She’s improving” Emma’s word filled the air. “Her condition seems as though it’s getting better. She called me Doctor Portman.”

William’s gaze didn’t falter as he watched Victoria, she watched the emotion suddenly dawn in his eyes. Watch as the pain hit him like a car. She wondered what was going through his mind. His gaze left her and fell to the ground.

“Victoria I” he paused. “Emma could we have a moment”

Emma nodded heading out of the room. She closed the door behind her. Victoria felt a strange surge of joy and happiness. She watched as William pulled the chair further from the bed and sat down. His leg crossed over the other one and he watched her for a moment.

“What happened to me? Why am I here?” She asked before he could speak. He opened his mouth before closing it again. His eyes falling to the floor as he looked left and right as though he was trying to form a coherent answer.

“Since you turned thirteen you developed a psychological problem, if you like, you began to imagine a grander life. We commonly call it Delusions of Grandeur, sometimes they stem from other minor or major psychological problems. The origin of your disorder is unknown, and until you turned eighteen you were living in the Kensington hospital, under the watchful eye of Doctor John Conroy and your mother.” He paused, as though he was waiting for her to question something. “A few months ago you moved here with your Doctor, Louise Lehzen, at the time you believed her to be your governess. I became, along with Doctor Emma Portman, your doctor. Your delusion was bigger than I previously believed, it had expanded into hallucinations too.”

“I thought you were my prime minister” She informed him. He nodded. She closed her eyes trying to take things in. She wasn’t the Queen, he wasn’t her prime minister. It was difficult, yet felt normal. A memory popped into the front of her mind. She was stood with him, he was so kind, and she’d confessed her feelings. “Oh goodness.”

“About Yesterday,” he paused again, his eyes locking on her frame. “I shouldn’t have said what I did. I just wanted to distance myself,”

“No, It was wrong of me to put you in that position” Victoria interrupted him. Her own eyes looking at her hands. She missed the look of disappointment that etched itself across his face. She missed the way his breathing stopped. “You are my prim-doctor” she had to force herself to say doctor. She needed to shake the feeling of her delusions.

“Yes, right. Uh,” he stuttered through the words as if he couldn’t think. “I’ll allow you time to figure your surroundings. If you’d like I could…get Doctor Portman or Doctor Lehzen to show you around.” He finally finished and now it was her turn to look disappointed.

They were dancing around each other in some unsynchronised rhythm. Neither of them in the correct place or beat.

“Or I could get your fiancé back. I’m sure you’ll want to see him” William said his hands moving as he stood again and backed towards the door beside him. She frowned.

“Fiancé?” She questioned the words foreign to her.

“Albert, when he first turned up he introduced himself as your fiancé. Although, he was never mentioned in your file.” William moved his eyebrows up nodding to the side.

“No, actually. I was wondering if you would” she captured the words as they left her mouth. She was unaware as to why she’d asked.

“Of course Ma’am” he nodded.

\--

“This all seems surreal” She commented as they walked through the gardens. Her eyes roaming the vast green space, he remembered the rain. The walk they took before. It all seemed so simple when she was in her delusion.

“I understand, you’ve spent the best part of five years in a delusion. I assume it’s like waking into a different time period.” He responded with a sigh as he paused. He knew now that things would be different. That she would no longer see him how she used to. The admiration gone from her blue eyes. The awe that he saw daily. Now she would look at him as her doctor, as some man who meant nothing to her. He wished it wasn’t true. He wished that she wouldn’t see him like that. She’d come to mean more to him.

“Assume. I’d say that was what happened.” She jested a slim elbow hitting him lightly in the arm. He smiled.

“I wonder, your perception of people. Those you interacted with. Do you remember then? Do you in anyway feel the same?” He asked casually, his voice betraying his intentions as he placed his hands in his pocket.

“Some, when I look at Doctor Portman, I feel a great swell of safety. Much like I do with you. I can trust her. When I first saw Albert. The man who you claim is my fiancé. I don’t feel anything. I don’t feel as I should. In fact I see someone else and I feel the way I should with Albert with them instead.” She admitted her eyes not leaving his face. He could sense them on him and he looked at the end of the garden.

“I see.” He paused. “Whoever they are, they are lucky” The words packed a heavy punch as he let them fall from his mouth. He let them fester in the air before he felt a small arm link in his large one. His eyes looking at the link, then at Victoria.

“It was wrong of me to put you in that position professionally. And though I was not of sound mind in the time. My feelings never changed. You are still the same kind hearted, level headed, intelligent man that sat with me and told me stories about my childhood or at least the childhood I convinced myself I had. You needn’t be my prime minister or my doctor. My feelings, I know, would never change” She added.

It was in that brief moment, that quiet moment that he felt his world brighten slightly. That he felt his smile grow almost instantaneously. He could not tell whether he was dreaming, whether he’d ended up in an alcohol induced coma or whether it was real. He didn’t care in all honesty. He just cared about the words she spoke, it had only taken a small rant, a small dispute to make her delusion shatter. It took the one she cared about tell her she lived in a false consciousness to break her out of a delusion.

“Shall we?” He mentioned as he gestured back to the hospital. She smiled a content feeling emitting from both of them as they walked back.


End file.
